


Falling

by llcflms



Series: Ayahina Week 2017 [3]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, and technically mentions of Touka I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25139512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llcflms/pseuds/llcflms
Summary: After a year of being apart, the Ayato she sees in Cochlea is much different than what she remembers.
Relationships: Fueguchi Hinami/Kirishima Ayato
Series: Ayahina Week 2017 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821004
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Ayahina Week Day 3 (March 28th): Insecurities / Comfort

Hinami had never thought much about him, to be honest. She was always close to him. She was always paired with him. She stuck to him. That was all true. But it wasn’t anything like what the whole of Aogiri thought, actually. Sure, his scent lingered on her and hers on him but that happened naturally when they’re always right by each other’s side for hours during missions.

But rumours wafted about. As much as Aogiri might be that terrifying organization ghouls and humans both feared, the members weren’t all that different from normal people on the streets. They grasped onto whatever dirty gossip their bloodied hands could reach, blowing it up like a balloon until it finally exploded. It wasn’t too long before everyone was at it, wondering what exactly Ayato-san and Yotsume-san— two _probably_ hormonal teenagers— were up to whenever no one was there to look. Hinami’s hearing didn’t exactly help either. The group of hooded Aogiri men huddled at the corner passing them dirty looks while whispering among themselves probably thought that they were being silent enough to keep to themselves. But Hinami could hear every single word being said far too clearly. She could hear the twisted fantasies they shared of the two superiors, both in suggesting positions, roles and situations.

And Hinami hated it. She hated the looks she got from those members whenever she and Ayato passed them. She hated the way she could hear the snickers that left those blasphemous lips whenever she had her backs to them. She hated the way they always thought of her as the completely obedient dog whom Ayato could use for every sick, demented fantasy they believed he had. It was detestable— how they pictured their relationship to be something so superficial and physical. Something so disgusting and sinful. Because it was nothing like that. Because to Hinami, Ayato meant a whole different thing altogether. He wasn’t the superior she looked up to and obeyed out of fear. He wasn’t the superior whose morals she easily questioned. He wasn’t the superior whose cruelty and violence disgusted her. 

He wasn’t anything like that. To her, he was the sole connection she had left to her almost-forgotten past.

He wasn’t just Ayato. He was _Kirishima_ Ayato.

He wasn’t just the brutal and powerful Aogiri Executive. He was Touka’s precious little brother.

His relation to Touka was the only thing that brought Hinami comfort when she was in Aogiri. She could close her eyes sometimes and pretend that Touka was there with her. If she tried hard enough, Ayato’s quips and reassurances sounded just like Touka’s because even if the voices were different, the words were the same. His eyes were the same midnight blue as Touka’s were and if she just focused her attention on them, she could pretend she was looking at Touka again. His hair was the same as well so she could imagine delightful fantasies when she watched the back of his head as well.

She felt bad about using him in such a manner. But she knew it was something that wouldn’t hurt him anyway— or at least it was something she believed it wouldn’t hurt him. He couldn’t care less about her. Ayato probably saw her as a burden that he had to bear. He had to kill for her. He had to hunt for her. He had to fight for her. Because aside from scouting Hinami was a completely hopeless ghoul. She couldn’t do anything but rely on him, to desperately cling onto the support he silently offered to her. He never said anything but she figured he was being mindful of her feelings, or maybe he found her too much of a bother to even bring the topic up with her.

And as she spent her time in Cochlea, confined within the white walls with nothing to do but sob, read and think, she found her mind wandering less to his well-being than to that of others from her long, distant past. Ayato was probably better off without her. He was probably freer without her. He could do whatever he wanted, command whomever he wanted, without having to consider the extra burden called Fueguchi Hinami. He didn’t have to go the extra mile to kill for her. He didn’t have to be extra alert around the superiors to protect her. He didn’t have to be extra mindful of his harsh words that could easily shatter her fragile heart and mind.

He was probably better off without her. He was probably happier without her. Their paths had converged for a short while, but it was probably never going to meet again. This short time had moments she treasured, of course. But it was something she knew would fade away quickly. Nothing like what those Aogiri members suspected had happened between her and Ayato and she doubt anything would happen. She doubted that she could even call him a friend. As cruel as it sounded and as much she hated to admit it, the most she could call him was a substitute to Touka. But for Ayato, she was probably nothing more than a burden.

She held on strongly to this belief. But whether it took a small or big action to break it was debatable. What made her change her mind was one thing— his face. It was the face he made when he turned the corridor and saw her crouched over. After a year of not seeing him and barely thinking about him, the next time she did see him, she saw a sight she hadn’t ever seen before. Ayato was just as she remembered. He was still tall and his shoulders were still broad and sturdy. His posture and stance spoke of the determination and bravado of a soldier of the night. His messy dark hair still framed his angular face, which was still holding his strangely soft features. He looked just as she recalled and she wondered in awe for a moment over how she could actually remember every detail of his face.

And as they continued to stare at each other from opposite ends of the corridor, she began to notice other things. The most prominent things to her were strangely the eye bags under both his eyes. Normally, these would be things she could easily miss from someone’s face unless she observed them thoroughly. But looking at him, the first thought that came to her mind was, _when did he last sleep?_ Ayato looked completely exhausted and the fact he was breathing hard due to his lost stamina from battles after battles in Cochlea wasn’t really helping him look any better. She started noticing other things as well, like the bruises and scrapes all over his face, the long gash on his right shoulder that was still leaking blood and staining that jacket he wore so much that she had assumed it was his favourite and the fact that when he started walking up to her, he was trying his best, yet failing terribly, to conceal the limp every time he took a step with his left leg. Her eyes met his and she could see the hints of exhaustion, worry and pain slowly leave as his face softened into a gentle smile. Ayato had shown thousands of expressions when he was with her before but there was never once she saw him watch her in silence, only for a look of complete relief and tranquillity to cross his face.

He didn’t say anything either, fixated merely on staring at her— just like she was with him. It felt like the surroundings were quietly fading off into a blur of blacks, whites and greys. She was no longer in Cochlea, neither was he. They were someplace else— a deluded and haphazardly constructed fantasy out of their restless minds. There was no one around but them. The people trailing behind Ayato weren’t there either. It was just her and him. 

Ayato finally opened his mouth, only for her name to slip out between his dry lips. Hinami watched him silently, wondering just why his lips were so cracked and dry. Had he been keeping hydrated or had he been working too hard to drink and eat since he did have that habit of losing himself in his work? It took a minute for her to gather herself from that brief moment of surprise— _How had she noticed something like that?_

It didn’t take much to get her back into the moment. His words were enough to knock her completely back into her senses. His usually rough and demanding voice, used over and over again for barking orders and spitting insults at slacking underlings and slipshod work, was soft, gentle and unsure this time. Hinami didn’t hear it enough but she could swear there was a slight tremble in it. Without really thinking much, she stepped closer to him as well.Her heartbeat started to pick up, the thumping in her chest resonating throughout her body. His name slipped out of her mouth at some point and just the sound of his name, even from her own voice, was enough to accelerate her pounding heart. She realized that both of them were slowly taking a step at a time, narrowing the distance between them. She could see so much more now. She could see how deep each scrape on his face was, the thin red lines and splotches marring his golden, fleshy cheek. She could see the flayed fabric at the edge of the torn segment of the jacket, with each strand of the blood-stained thin threads sticking out in awkward directions a lot like his hair did. She could see just how deep the relief and joy was rushing through him just from staring into his eyes— _Had his gaze always been so captivating and alluring?_

Ayato stopped right in front of her, hesitating as well and openly wondering if the sight before him was merely a mirage built out of his deepest desires. He raised his hand slowly and Hinami’s eyes trailed over the long length of his firm arm to the edges of his trembling fingers. There was a nagging inclination from the back of her mind for her to reach and grasp the quivering hand, to hold it tightly and reach for his face. Hinami found herself longing to press her hand onto the side of his cheek, to lightly stroke his skin and assure him that everything was okay and he didn’t have to worry anymore— _Huh? Worry? Over what? Her? No way._ She was safe now that he was there. She wanted to run her fingers between the unruly hair, to smoothen out the mess and tangles from the battle, and to cradle him in her arms to thank him for all that he had done and will do for her. She wanted to run her fingers along his thin lips, to cup his face, to—

His hand rest lightly on her shoulder and Hinami felt a tremble run through her. Her mind went blank, her breathing hitched and she felt herself choke on the air lodged in her throat. She couldn’t breathe and she couldn’t speak. All she wanted to do was cry and scream, to press herself against him and melt in his warm embrace.

But she couldn’t. She didn’t want to. What would he think about her if she did? It was the first time they saw each other in a year and the first thing she did was to cry. He’d get annoyed. He’d snapped at her— _Would he, though?_ He’d remember what a burden she was to him and start wondering why he wasted time and effort to risk his life for this pathetic girl. She felt her head hang forward and she was glad she could hide her trembling features from him. She wanted so badly to appear strong. If only she could smile at him.

“I’m sorry I took so long,” he said, chuckling awkwardly to ease the tension in him. He felt so bad. He felt terrible and it was making her feel bad for making him feel that way.

_No, no, it’s okay you can take however long you want. I’ll wait. I can wait. You—_

“Let’s go home.”

She wanted to sob and scream. She wanted to tell him to pick her up right there and carry her home. She didn’t care about the strong girl act anymore. She wanted to be close to him, to bury her face into his jacket and drown in his familiar scent and to cling on him and never let him go.

She knew she was falling. It wasn’t the strong, tough Aogiri Executive who overflowed with charisma and authority, standing above underlings and instructing them with the calm of the natural leader who she was falling for. It wasn’t his comforting, presence as Touka’s younger brother, the constant connection she had to the light of her past life even in her darkest times, that she was falling for. None of that. Because what she saw and what she desired right there and then was nothing really too impressive.

She was falling for the boy standing in front of her, eyes clouded in worry and fear that he was possible dreaming. She was falling for the person who, even while battered and exhausted, was reaching out to her with a calming smile. She was falling for the warrior who had been bred in a whole rough life of fighting and bloodshed, and yet was looking at her with the sheepish embarrassment and unnecessary guilt of making her wait so long.

She was falling for Kirishima Ayato— the last person she expected to see as her saviour.

**Author's Note:**

> I know Hinami never thought of Ayato as Touka's substitute and that she was probably the only one in Aogiri to see him truly for who he is, but I thought it would be fun to play around a bit with that idea. Tbh, I too would fall in love with Ayatokun if he appeared in front of me as beautiful and ethereal as he looked in that panel when Ayahina reunited in TG:re chapter 72.


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